Dating Violence

Dating Violence

Dating violence has become so widespread these days that it is almost viewed as "normal." In the United States, a woman is more likely to be assaulted, battered, raped or killed by a male partner than by a stranger. It's estimated that 7% of all murder victims were young women under age 24 killed by their boyfriends. Six out of ten rapes occur in their own home by a partner, not a dark alley. A whopping 40% of teenage girls, between the ages of 14 and 17, said they knew someone their age who had been beaten by a boyfriend.

Once you've "been through so much," where do you draw the line on dating violence and say "enough is enough?" Over time, as patterns emerge, it's natural for one to lose sight of reality. It seems like "everyone fights" or is involved in some drama, yet that doesn't make it ok. You do not ever have to be someone's physical or emotional punching bag. There are so many other possible partners out there, don't think you have to settle, especially so young.

If your partner shoves, slaps, hits or punches you, then get out! If you fear bringing up certain topics, feel you're walking on egg shells or that you're a prisoner in your own home and suspect he's listening in on your phone calls, then escape while you still can! If he's accusing you of cheating, giving you "the look," calling you disparaging names or shouting at you, then remember that you don't have to put up with his abuse.

Teen dating violence is often hidden for many reasons. As a teen, you're relatively inexperienced in the dating world and you haven't fully figured out what is normal behavior and what is excessive mental illness or severe behavioral problems yet. You may feel like all of your peers are "acting violently," that violence is "masculine," or view your relationship as defiance against your parents. Many teenage boys mistakenly believe they "possess" their girlfriends, have the right to "control" their partners, have the right to demand intimacy, that their girlfriends "force" them to resort to violence, and that they may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive to their girlfriends.

Many teenage girls mistakenly feel there is only one person for them, that they are solely responsible for problem solving, that their boyfriend's jealousy is really just love, that there is no one to ask for help and that abuse is "normal." The reality is that teens can identify warning signs, exercise their tremendous number of options and live a healthy, happy life as a valuable individual who deserves respect.

Many teens recognize that their boyfriends have "anger problems," but they refrain from seeking help because they want to deal with it "on their own." Perhaps, it's naivety or they fail to realize that dating violence is more than an inconvenience. It is extremely dangerous and it is often deadly. More than one third of all partner-committed rapes and physical assaults result in injury requiring medical care (NVAW Survey, July 2000). According to the CDC, there are 2 million injuries and 1,300 deaths caused by intimate partner violence. Additionally, medical expenses from domestic abuse totaled $3-5 billion (Domestic Violence for Health Care Providers, 3rd Edition, Colorado Domestic Violence Coalition, 1991). To stop the cycle of violence, teens must report incidents and seek treatment.







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Today's Tip On Domestic Violence

Do you feel trapped by a pattern of victimization? Perhaps you were molested as a child by someone you knew, an event you'd rather forget. Later, in college, you were taken advantage of by your date when you passed out in a drunken stupor. Now, you're in a relationship where your partner calls you names, phones you constantly at work and gets irrationally angry all the time. There are many resources for victims of domestic violence in America. While it may seem like a personal matter, it's moreover a matter of your personal safety. Every year, there are more than one million violent acts against women and 30% of all female murders are committed by lovers or former lovers.



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